Metal As Fukk Reality TV Shows That Never Aired

For whatever reason (confused execs, advertisers not stepping up, death on set) these shows never saw the light of day. Until now…

“Real Housewives Of Fallujah”
There’s a lot going on beneath that burka. Like dead eyes, bruised arms and a ceremonially circumcised clitoris.

This week’s challenge is to design a robot that kills its inventor. You have three hours.

“Exorcisin’ With The Stars”

Tony Danza, Blossom, Ken Griffey Jr. and Jesse “The Body” Ventura pull the demons from possessed children in a different third wold country each week.

“Pussy Swap”

Families learn to to live with another family’s cat. Sometimes that pussy is sweet, but sometimes that pussy is foul!

“Is It An STD?”
Is this just a sore throat or gonorrhea? Just a pimple or syphilis? Doctor says… syphilis!

“Toddlers And Assault Rifles”
The day to day life of Congolese child soldiers as they lead militias, execute dissidents, smoke homemade crank from light bulbs and have some silly fun with pets.

“I Survived The Holocaust, Now Watch Me Skate!”

The guards at Dacau were a cake walk compared to this Romanian figure skating coach if you don’t land that triple axle, Esther.

“Extreme Makeover: Former Serial Killer Home Edition”

Scrub the blood out of the shag carpeting and mulch the femurs in the crawl space, and voila! You’re posting that two-bedroom ranch for double what it was worth before the police tape was taken down.

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