Yeah, The Simpsons lost their edge a long time ago. But there are still a few sick fukks strolling down Evergreen Terrace…
Springfield Elementary’s rock n’ roll bus driver. Otto never leaves the his shithole of an apartment without a walkman, an Angus Young cap and a six-beer buzz.
Years of cleaning puke has given Willy a foul mouth and a burning resentment for everyone in town. But when shit hits the fan (literally or figuratively), you want this ‘roided-up Scot on your side. After all, he was “wrestlin’ wolves back when you were at your mother’s teat.”
Got caught trying to murder a child (Bart), steal from a clown (Krusty), and drown an entire town (Springfield). And sweet Jesus, look at that hair. It’s like Carrot Top in a Whitesnake cover band.
Charles Montgomery Burns
Seemingly immortal millionaire that once tried to bring eternal darkness to Springfield by blocking the sun. When Burnsy’s on one of his ether kicks, stay the fukk away.
Neighborhood bully that rocks a cutoff denim jacket like none other. And I’m still hunting for a replica of the “Nuke the Whales” and “Bomb The Indians And Take Their Casinos” posters hanging in his room.
Lunch Lady Doris
She’s feeding Springfield’s best and brightest, and she could not give any less of a fukk. Metal as Fukk quote to live by: “More testicals mean more iron.”
Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy whips out a chainsaw. Scratchy watches as his intestines fall to the ground. Itchy proceeds to jump double dutch with them. Now that’s fukkin’ showmanship!
Snarky asshole and a born hell raiser. Once tricked a church full of God-fearing Christians into singing Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” and sold his soul for 5 bucks…in the same episode.