Metal As Fukk Things You Can Buy At PETCO

Is that a GI Bone in Scruffy’s mouth or is he just happy to see me?

Baby Bearded Dragon, $59.99
A species so fukkin’ metal, it’s born breath fire through Rasputin beards.


Planet Pleasures Rainbow Shredders, $6.99
We have no idea what “Rainbow Shredders” actually are, so we can only assume they’re exactly what they sound like.


G.I. Bone, $6.99
At least we finally know why Uncle Joe’s body never made it back from ‘Nam.


Can O’ Superworms, $4.99
They’re just like normal worms, but they don’t die. Ever.


Training “Prong” Collar, $24,99
Holy fukk, look at those spikes. That’ll be the last time Fido leg-fukks that autistic kid in the park.


Reptile Sticks, $5.99
Not sure whether they’re made for reptiles or out of reptiles, but Macho Man would be all over this shit either way.


12” Euro Luffa, $7.69
It’s bad enough you’re making your dog gnaw on a plush orange dildo. You had to go ahead and get the racist one with the mariachi hat and the Dirty Sanchez ‘stache.


Mr. Bill Chew Toy, $12.99
Do you really want to see Spot gnaw off a human head? Even if it does look like a clown face painted around a glory hole.


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