Metal As Fukk Reasons To Get A One-Way Ticket To Mars

Carbon-based life-forms bring you nothing but heartache. One man’s interstellar suicide is another man’s fukkin pilgrimage…

IMG_5343A thin atmosphere with 96% Carbon Dioxide and only .2% Oxygen means you’re high from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. Or until your lungs combust.

IMG_5339Without an Ozone to filter UV radiation, you can maintain that stellar tan 24/7. Until your skin turns to E.T. jerky.

IMG_5352No liquid water means energy drinks for breakfast, lunch & dinner.

IMG_5350The trained astronauts are busy.

IMG_5341You’d bring a lot more to a brand new society than you do to The Food Court (in which you currently work).

IMG_5345Happy Hour with ALF.

IMG_5346One on One with Marvin.

IMG_5353The “I Want To Be One Of The First To Bang The Loch Ness Monster” List has filled up.


That chick from Comic Con will totally regret rejecting your Friend Request.

IMG_5344The cops are going to find the bodies once the snow thaws.

IMG_5337 You can shove that answer right down Ziggy’s throat… You better believe there’s life on Mars… And it’s wearing cargo shorts!

IMG_5333Earth banter is overrated. Chatting with only nihilistic sociopaths til you die will be hilarious. And they probably hate condoms.

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